Random Childbirth Thoughts – Do these sound too familiar?

These are quotes made up by a friend and I to cause a pause and thinking to occur. Sadly, they may sound very familiar to public opinion these days. This is meant to be a spoof, but also is a social commentary on how we as a society are giving up on the precious and magnificent work of normal labor and birth. As women, we are incredibly blessed to be the life growers and to bring life forth from our own bodies under our own power. The work of pregnancy, labor and delivery is just a glimpse into the daily work of being a mother. Motherhood like pregnancy through delivery is not always easy but at the end of the day worth it. I fear we are losing something of vast importance in our society.

This entry is biting and almost roast-like. Read with caution!

  • “Not my mama’s vagina! Mine is only for sex.”
  • “MY MRSA Antibiotics are so slimming..it was worth the infection I got during my cesarean!”
  • “Ob’s say Vaginas are no longer for non-sexual use due to stressors destroying the capability for penis use”
  • “Men everywhere question the duality of vaginal use. Should they allow women to use their vaginas for birth?”
  • “Women are just saying NO to multi-purpose vaginal use”
  • “My vagina is progressive and evolved – no childbirth for me!”
  • “Kegels, schmegels – just get the cesarean.”
  • “I thought to myself..they can’t really do vaginal tightening..but I can always have another tummy tuck!”
  • “It was GREAT being able to schedule my induction…and the baby being in the NICU for a week meant that I got plenty of rest and was able to shop without interruption!”
  • “I was so ready for motherhood! I had a postpartum doula, a nanny and lots of dr. bronner’s bottles! Oh, and once the baby came, the sleeper, the vibrating chair, the swing…they saved me! I never had to pick the baby up once! Just pacifier and away!”
  • “No vaginal birth for me! I am a modern woman.”
  • “But none of my friends are using their vaginas for birth!”

Are you thinking yet? Screaming? Yelling at me? And by the way, it is okay to laugh.

Desirre

2 Responses to “Random Childbirth Thoughts – Do these sound too familiar?”

  1. vbacwarrior says:

    And to the woman who says “At least I’ll know my baby’s birthday…” you can say

    “NO, you’ll NEVER know your baby’s birthday”

  2. Anonymous says:

    Very funny! I honestly have heard very similar phrases being used!

    “At least i’ll know my baby’s birthday, no waiting around!”