Posts Tagged ‘family’

Faith, Family, Midwifery, and Such

Tuesday, October 17th, 2017

I long for real community. A place where women and their families can come together to connect, support, and just do life together.

As I stood over my cutting board, processing 40 pounds of boneless skinless chicken breasts by myself, I thought how much more enjoyable the task would have been if I had had someone alongside me. I’m tired of being independent in everything. I want to lean on someone. I have no problem at all being alone, doing things on my own, because I can. Quite simply, I’m pretty good at just getting things done, and it rarely crosses my mind to ask anyone to come along.

I don’t want to anymore.

I want a friendly face beside me, just doing things together. Laundry. Bulk cooking. Spring cleaning. First my place, then hers. Like they did 150 years ago in rural areas, not because they liked each other so much, but because it enabled better survival and created a safety net of people who would rush to your aid when your barn was on fire.

I have so many ideas in my mind of how to make this happen. First of all is to invite others into my space and set the example. (So if anyone wants to split that 40 pound box of chicken next time, hit me up!)

Another idea is to use the NextDoor app to reach out to my literal neighbors, and host small gatherings. I’m actually thinking of making a ton of apple cider on Halloween/Reformation Day, and ladling out hot cups of it from my front porch and meeting my neighbors. Or starting a neighborhood Bible study, unconnected with any local church.

I have already done a freezer meal session with my best friend, and it was amazing! We managed to put together 11 meals for our families, and loved the time together! She used several of hers to bless other families in need by taking them dinner. So the ripple effect of our efforts touched far more than just our families. I love that.

I have also determined to ask for more help. After spending about five hours (at least) looking for a good deal on a winter coat for my eldest, I realized I could have just posted on Facebook to see if anyone had a hand-me-down. With how many clothes I pass on to smaller people, it makes sense to try and look for people who would be willing to pass down to my kids.

One of my favorite things to do is to call up a friend, find out what their plans for dinner are, and combine forces. Another of my best friends–I’m an extrovert, I have more than one best friend–and I used to do this all the time. We would combine her pasta with my veggies and a few random sides, and create dinner together for our families. Especially when it was near the end of the month, and we were both short on groceries and cash. The weird meals we made were not Pinterest-worthy, but they were appetite-worthy, and brought us together as families. Totally worth it.

Acitivies, events, and playdates are all great, but I want more. Because when you go home from the playdate, you still have 87 piles of laundry to do. You still have to cobble together dinner at the end of a long day of errands. You still have to be a decent human being to your spouse. And that can only happen in community.

So, that’s my heart. This is what I want to do here on this blog. Write about faith, family, and community. Midwifery, birth, and all that jazz are intimately connected to those topics. And I find that I cannot write about one without writing about the other.

Welcome to my renewed blog, where you get all of me! Not just the birthy me. I hope you find a comfortable place to pull up a chair and read!

How do you find yourself creating or participating in community?

Grace & Peace,

Enough

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

Image from global.wonderware.com

I cannot always be everything to everyone, but I can sometimes be something to someone.

It’s okay with me that I cannot be the right doula for every mother. It’s okay with me if they choose another doula. I often ask potential clients if they are interviewing other doulas, and if not, I ask if I can give them some recommendations. After all, I would never encourage a client to hire the first care provider they meet.

Just as I encourage clients and potential clients to interview multiple care providers, I encourage them to interview multiple doulas. It’s only right to do so. Every doula brings something different to the table. Different strengths that will complement a client’s weaknesses. Different experiences that are in line with the experiences of different clients.

It would be the height of arrogance for me to view the interview process as a chance to “sell myself.,” as if I can guarantee that I am the best possible fit for all women, all the time. I’m already “sold” as a doula — after that, it’s a matter of the client’s needs, cultural/religious preferences, and simple personality.

I’ll frame it this way: Doulas are like those puzzle pieces that all look alike. You know, when you’re putting together the cloudless blue sky in a landscape? Or all the grass? We all are part of the same section of the puzzle, and we all look alike on the surface. Many of us have similar scopes of practice, similar philosophies of birth, and similar servant hearts. But – we are not as alike as we look!

Many families have a piece missing from their birth team that fits us exactly. The best way to find out who fits in that spot is to try a few different pieces. The good news is that it often doesn’t take talking to more than two or three of us before a family finds a good fit.

Heaven forbid a client ever hire me simply because I’m the only one they talked to. Sure, that sometimes happens, when we click really well, but that’s not the norm. Heaven forbid a student from a childbirth education class hire me, simply because I was their teacher. I really do feel better about a client deciding to hire me after they have talked to at least one other doula, and their gut tells them they feel right about hiring me.

I may not be able to be everything to everyone, all the time.

I can, however, be something really special to someone. I can make a difference, one mother, one baby, one family at a time. I can be the piece that completes the puzzle.

And that, to me, is enough.

Grace and Peace,
Tiffany

Preparing for Post Birth –

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

Putting effort into the initial postpartum period is in my opinion equally as important as preparing for pregnancy and birth.  Sometimes it is even more important due to circumstance or birth outcome.  Too many focus solely on the labor, delivery and perhaps the “stuff” that goes with having a baby while completely forgetting to look at all incredible change that occurs with having a new baby 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.

Below is a listing of important information to think about, investigate, understand and/or plan for.  Make a note of people in your immediate life that can be a resource as you go through the list.

Look carefully at class descriptions you may take in your local area, some are very thorough and others do not go into information you need in detail.

Here’s to postpartum preparedness!

Common Physical Changes for the Mother

Uterine Change and Bleeding

Breast Expectations and Breastfeeding Norms

Hormones and Symptoms

Recovery Requiring Attention

Vaginal Tearing, Episiotomy, Cesarean, Extreme Soreness or Swelling, Hemorrhoids

Nutrition

Common Psychological Changes

Mother and Father/Partner Changes

Processing the Birth Experience

Processing Becoming a Family

Postpartum Mood Disorders

Peer and Professional Support Resources

Understanding Your New Baby

Babymoon

How Baby’s Feed

Attachment

Infant Development

New Family Dynamic

Coping with Sleep Deprivation and Exhaustion

Managing Stress

Grieving the Changes

Siblings and Pets

Knowing How to Get the Right Support

Postpartum Doulas and Practical Support

Making Your Best Decisions

Defining Parental Roles – Financial, Baby Care, Changing the Status Quo

Choosing a Health Care Provider for your Baby

Early Infant Health Care Decisions – Vaccinations, Circumcision, etc.

Parenting Philosophies

Developing Your Parenting Style

Where Baby Will Sleep

Boundaries with Family and Friends

When to Seek Professional Help

Relationship Care

Realistic Expectations

Sexual Intimacy

Practicalities of Life

“Dating”

Priorities

Single Parenting

Arranging Practical Support

Making a Community

Parenting Needs

Unexpected Outcomes

Processing a Difficult Birth

Babies with Medical Needs, Coping and Advocating

Dealing with Loss, Grief, and Trauma

I offer a Postpartum Strategies class privately in the Colorado Springs area that goes into more detail on many of these topics.  My Bookstore lists several helpful books as well.