Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

I Apologize.

Thursday, September 8th, 2016

A gift came my way
I was loathe to refuse,
though I knew
rage
would come.

I apologize?

I die to myself
over and over again,
though I know
I’m
not seen.

I apologize?

Walking on eggshells,
every encounter is fragile,
and I know
I
can’t win.

I apologize?

I hold my silence
when words are let loose
in a torrent
of
hard knocks.

I apologize?

When I fall short
of impossible standards,
never as good
as
even my past self.

I apologize?

Just when I think
everything’s going so well,
I am tripped
up,
I stumble again.

I apologize?

For being myself.
The only self I can be,
imperfect, but loving
I’m
not enough.

I apologize?!

Finished with doubt,
my friendship still holds,
not in the right image,
Does
it matter?

No more apologies.

It’s always my fault,
venting and craving
capitulation
and
pity.

No more apologies.

My heart beats a rhythm,
my stomach turns sour
waiting for honest
words
pouring out.

No more apologies.

I’ve suffered enough
under the tyranny of misery,
no more will I stand
the
object of scorn.

No more apologies.

There is pain, yes,
but I’m hurting too
every time flames are let loose
and
burn me.

No more apologies.

I’ll never forget some of Dad’s last words to me: “Never apologize when you’re trying to do something nice for someone. Don’t ever do that.”

Even when I know that I have done nothing wrong–not only that, but when I know that I have made every real effort to do and be what is kind and right–I will find a way to blame myself for any misunderstanding. Every time. I can always find something to apologize for, even when there is nothing. I actually tend to apologize for other people’s feelings.

No more.

I will continue to forgive, as many times as it takes. Not because I am such a great forgiver, but because I have no excuse to withhold forgiveness, when I think of what has been forgiven in me. But, forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation. For the first time in my life, I might have to be okay with that.

Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about this in my close relationships, but there are some relationships deep in my past in which I carry scars and not-quite-healed wounds. These words stemmed partially from those experiences.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

30 Days of Gratitude, day 19: Vivian Harmon

Thursday, November 19th, 2015

Copy of thankful 2015 day 19Vivan Harmon, Student Midwife extraordinaire! I do not exaggerate when I say that I am most grateful for my fellow student and assistant. The more I get to know Vivian, the more I admire, respect, and love her.

When I first started assisting Desirre, she and Vivian had already worked together as assistants under Merrie MacDowell, the midwife who caught my two youngest babies. They had a rhythm in their work that was like a choreographed ballet. I wondered in my insecurity if I would ever attain that kind of synchronicity.

Thanks to Vivian, I have.

From the beginning, she taught me efficiently and kindly how to do what she does, and brought me up to speed faster than I would have thought possible. She has had nothing but grace and kindness for me during our entire professional relationship, and I feel blessed to now count her among my friends.

Ain't she purty, too?

Ain’t she purty, too?

She has been open to my questions, taught me how to do things before they are asked for, and shown me little tips and tricks that make the work we do so much easier and more efficient. She knows how to cooperate and work together, how to correct mistakes graciously, and how to lead and ask for what she needs. She and I work together so well, and I couldn’t be more grateful for her calm presence.

Vivian is intelligent, honest, loyal, professional, honest, capable, humble, confident, kind, funny, and pretty much just amazing all around. I kinda want to be more like her when I grow up.

As we face separate paths this coming New Year, I couldn’t let this old year pass by without expressing my gratitude for her presence in my life. Thank you, Vivian. I heart you with many hearts.

Who are you thankful for in your life?

Warmly,
Tiffany Miller
Student Midwife and Childbirth Educator

30 Days of Gratitude, Day 2: Mentors.

Monday, November 2nd, 2015

thankful 2015 day 3Today, I want to share my gratitude for (and to) my mentor, Desirre Andrews, CPM, RM.

There is no single person who has contributed more to my growth and development, both professionally and personally, than she has in the past several years that I’ve known her. Truthfully, I don’t even quite remember how long I’ve known her, she has become such an integrated part of my life.

She is the big sister I never had. I cannot help but turn to her for advice on everything from Diva cups to marriage to grief to birth to business and even faith. She is always ready with answers that leave room for my own thought, my own application. I am free with her to pick and choose what advice makes sense and applies to my life, and which advice can be filed away for a rainy day, or passed on to someone to whom it will have more value.

Desirre is the best butt-kicking fairy a person can have, and she has more than earned her wings in my life! She is never one to just tell me what I want to hear. Instead, she calls my attention to nooks and crannies of thought that I might never have reached for, dusting off the dark corners of my common sense and intuition and helping me bring them to light.

I cannot talk about Desirre without mentioning how beautifully our brain squirrels work together. Whenever we need new marketing material, or need to brainstorm new formats for classes, we have the most fun with a whiteboard and a thesaurus. It’s really quite ridiculous. And we wouldn’t have it any other way!

I cannot thank God enough for bringing her into my life, and I look forward to a lifetime of sisterhood and friendship with her.

Do you have a mentor? Whose influence in your life are you most thankful for this year? Share in the comments!

Warmly,
Tiffany Miller
Childbirth Educator, Student Midwife

30 Days of Thanksgiving, Day 2: Friendship

Monday, November 2nd, 2015

friendship thanks15Sure, sure, it seems an easy cop-out to say “friendship.” Cut me some slack, though. I haven’t even finished my first cup of coffee.

*yawn* Where was I?

Oh, right. Friendship.

This quote is probably my favorite friendship quote of all time. One can, indeed, survive without friends, it is true. But friendship is so vitally important to our thriving. Without it, we wither into lonely, bitter, isolated curmudgeons. And who wants to be a curmudgeon? Don’t we all want to be rainbow unicorn kittens?!

Maybe that’s just me.

Moving on.

There are not many things that friendship cannot cure.

True friends are the ones who know us well, and choose us anyway. They remind us of our worth when we have forgotten it. They dig deep and help out when they don’t feel like it, because they know that you would do the same for them. They lay down their lives for one another in ways large and small.

If they don’t understand something about you, they try to.

Friends forgive, give grace, and apologize. They don’t pretend. They are loyal, and refuse to listen to bad reports. They call you out when you’re being stupid.

The refuse to let you focus on the worst in yourself, and they try to make you see yourself through their eyes. They see the best in you, and choose to trust that your best will prevail more often than your worst will.

They walk with you through your darkest times, and are ready to support you in your valley, even when they don’t know how.

Friends fill in the gaps in your core relationships. No one person can fulfill all your relationship needs. So, we need friendship to fill in those gaps. If one person can’t meet that need, someone else will. This is why we need unity in the Body of Christ–because no one human is Jesus, except Jesus. (Duh.)

Friends are amazing, and I love them. I have the best ones, and I’m willing to share. (Mostly.)

What are you thanking God for today?

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

Extrovert

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

A piece each to all,
I have run out of talent
to reach all who ask.

Hurting hearts, needs burn.
Depression, loneliness reigns,
but I fall too short.

Invisible pain
leads me to compassionate
sympathy, empty.

I, never enough
sight to see all the way deep
into hearts crying soft.

Forgetful, I work
teach, love, run, drive, and give
no thought beyond me.

Unless it is here,
in front of my face, crying.
Asking point-blank, “Help!”

Eyes to see, ears hear,
my mind to perceive the cries
and answer in kind.

This is all I ask,
to better friend all others
than I do myself.

It is beyond me,
and I long for the day when
eyes are clear, complete.

Where I am, there I
am fully present indeed.
This is my core strength.

Out of sight, is it
out of mind too? I hope not.
But fear it too true.

A hopeless case, I?
A worthless friend to others?
Will I ever know?

I don’t think I am.
Caring deeply, I reach out.
I am not enough.

Hands are only two.
Omnipresent I am not.
I, only human.

I am not Jesus.
Just an extrovert trying
desperately hard.