Day 18: I’m ruining them for life.

My biggest insecurity, surprisingly enough, is not my body image. Yes, I have moments of insecurity there, but I can tuck those ones away neatly for perusing at another time with one compliment from Levi. My biggest point of insecurity is in my mothering including, but not limited to, homeschooling my little brood.

I sometimes feel like Sam, that no matter what I do, I just keep making “huge mistakes, huge mistakes, mistakes that are huge.” Mistakes that can never be remedied. Even though I intellectually know that I’m a good mom, and that my kids are just fine, this is the insecurity that nags at me:

Rita: …It’s like every morning I wake up and, I fail. And I look around and everybody seems to be pulling it off, but I-I-I can’t! No matter how hard I try. Somehow, I’ll never be enough.

It’s to the point that I can’t even read a homeschooling blog without curling up into a fetal position and crying because I’ll never have it all together the way “those moms” do! The sad part is that I know, beyond doubt, that we’re doing just fine. I just can’t seem to get my heart to believe that most days.

I struggle wildly with this. I pray daily for my daily bread of strength and confidence to be based on the Lord, and my obedience to His high calling on my life as a mother.

Whew I said it. I feel like a bad mother half the time. The other half of the time, I know better, and walk in the joy of my salvation, that …

There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” ~Romans 8:1 (NIV)

And my kids are so wonderfully forgiving when I ask them! They take my hands in theirs, and pray for me. And I know God must hear them, because even in the insecurity, peace reigns. If only I could get my emotions lined up with that peace!

Please tell me I’m not the only one who struggles with this! What’s your big insecurity?



One Response to “Day 18: I’m ruining them for life.”

  1. Geraldine says:

    If we as women, wives, children of God, and home school teachers, and moms would be honest and open with each other, if we would be real and raw enough to share our insecurities and short comings then we would all be able to throw them away.

    We could toss them out the window because we would have no one to compare ourselves to anymore. We would see the realness of each other.

    We would see that all of us have our things that we fail at, that everyday in various ways there are things that we struggle with. We would see that the wife, mom, teacher, bible study leader, friend does not have it all together all of the time. We would see that we are all in the same boat trying our best to stay doing our best for our husbands & little ones.

    I think we are all too afraid to let others know about our short comings because then we would feel naked and raw. We would feel exposed. We would feel alone for being the one to finally be honest and open with who we are and the struggles we have.

    But the blessings that would come from it are unimaginable. To be honest about who we are instead of putting on a show….putting on a lie for all to see. Now that’s where its at…proverbs12:22 says that the LORD delights in people who are trustworthy. I can just see the joy of heart and dancing with love because we were trusting enough to be real about who He made us to be.