Posts Tagged ‘childbirth’

Grace Under Pregnancy: Responding to Negativity

Monday, April 27th, 2015
Created using Canva.com

Created using Canva.com

We’ve all seen those blog posts listing all the hilarious, snarky retorts we can have at our disposal when well-intentioned people make comments about our pregnancy, parenting, or birth choices. There is definitely a place for a well-placed one-liner, but not everyone will see the joke. Those remarks are most often only appreciated in theory, not in practice. Of course, it often helps us to alleviate the stress of constant, unhelpful remarks. Who doesn’t need a good laugh after several “Haven’t had that baby yet” moments?

Granted, most of us just politely smile, nod, and walk the other way, keeping our irritated sarcasm to ourselves. We think sarcastic thoughts, or post them on Twitter, but we choose manners when we are in the moment. We none of us really want to be rude, even if we feel like it. We know that answering rudeness with rudeness often just escalates the situation.

Some people, of course, are just rude. It’s best to just walk away in that case. But, what can we do when we feel a strong need to respond in some way? Are sarcasm and snark the best approach? Sometimes, probably. Some people need the wake-up call. However, most people don’t realize that they’re being rude — however well-intentioned they may be — and grace goes a long way. You never know. You might be the one who helps someone treat the next pregnant lady a little better. Isn’t that worth biting back a stinging remark, then going one step beyond and extending grace?

So, what does responding in grace look like?

“You’re having a home birth? Aren’t you afraid of –insert random, rare emergency here–?”
Snark says: “You had hospital births? Weren’t you afraid of –insert random, common intervention here–?”
This kind of response is designed to shut down conversation, and while the person may deserve snark, isn’t a little kindness more powerful?

Grace says: “I appreciate your concern, but no, I am not afraid.”
There is no need to explain your decisions to anyone since you are the one who walks it out, but this kind of response may invite questions and conversation that could benefit the hearer in long run.

“Wow! You are getting sooooo HUGE!”
Snark says: “Thanks! So are you!”
While hilarious in theory, (I’ll admit, I chuckled) two wrongs don’t make a right. People really don’t know what to say, and aren’t necessarily comfortable with just a friendly silence.

Grace says: “Thanks! I’m so excited to be able to grow such a healthy baby!”
This can encourage people to view the full-term pregnant body as something beautiful, normal, and healthy, instead of just weight gain. They won’t expect the kindness.

“Let me tell you ALL THE HORROR STORIES surrounding my births!”
Snark says: “Well, at least you have a healthy baby, right?!”
This can add another layer of sorrow or regret to the woman who opened up to you, and can be just as hurtful to hear as her horror story was to you. Again, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Grace says: “Wow – what a rough ride. If you could go back and change anything about your births, what would it be?”
Women learn in community. It’s why we write and read blogs, attend La Leche League and MOPS groups. Such things have replaced the old quilting bees. It’s also why we are compelled to share our birth stories, positive and negative. Perhaps, this woman has only ever been told she should be grateful, because her baby is healthy. Maybe no one has acknowledged her experience, or made space for her to process it. Maybe you have just been given the chance to help a fellow human being take one more step toward healing by your validation of her experience. Plus, you might learn something.

Kindness goes so very far when we see others as humans who make mistakes. Really, haven’t we all said insensitive things without meaning to, only to learn our mistake later? Can’t we all recall that one time we really blew it by putting our collective feet in our collective mouths? We all cringe at such memories, right? How beautiful was it, in those moments, when someone extended grace to us?

Well, why not make those moments a little less cringe-worthy in your turn by extending grace to our sometimes clueless fellow human beings? Maybe they don’t deserve it, but we all have undeserving moments. That’s the whole point of grace– it’s unmerited favor.

Remember: In the end, it is love that wins the day, not wit or cleverness.

What would you add? When have you responded with grace instead of sarcasm? What other comments can be hurtful, and what might you say or do instead?

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

Do’s and Don’ts in Labor & Delivery (a.k.a. Getting What You Want, Kindly)

Monday, April 20th, 2015
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Created using canva.com

Birth plans. Epidurals. Natural Childbirth. Doulas. Induction. Cesareans. And more…

The list of decisions about birth goes on and on…

More women are becoming dissatisfied with the status quo in American maternity care, and are asking for something outside the norm for the hospital where they plan give birth. Naturally, this might make for some conflict between a birthing mother and her care provider and nursing staff.

Conflict.

There. I said it. Right out loud.

There might be conflict in the labor and delivery room when a mother is giving birth. I am not writing this post to tell anyone how to avoid conflict, but how to manage it in a healthy way, so that the birth experience is not characterized by the conflicts that arise, but by the solutions everyone involved is able to come to.

Here are some do’s and don’ts that may help you in the labor and delivery room to self-advocate effectively, while creating a human connection with the nurses and provider caring for you and your baby.

DON’T: Expect care providers or nurses to offer much in the way of comfort during labor.
It is not the responsibility of a care provider or nurse to make a birthing mother comfortable. Their first priority, and indeed, their entire job, is the safety of mother and baby. Period. Your comfort is a distant second to safety, and that’s exactly the way it should be.

DO: Hire a doula to offer you comfort and support.
Your comfort is the entire responsibility of your doula. Period. That is all that she is there for. Emotional, physical, and informational comfort and support are her expertise. You will not be disappointed if you lean on a doula for this need.

DON’T: Make demands.
This only causes a heightening of conflict. If you want something different than protocol, shaking your fist and demanding it is not the right tack. You might get your way, but you may not end up getting the best care if you treat the nurses as if they were there to grant your every wish.

DO: Ask for exceptions.
Think about it. How would you feel if a stranger came to your house, and began to dictate to you how to load your dishwasher, feed your kids, or fold your towels? You would be offended. This is what we do when we demand our way in labor. When you want something outside protocols, try this: “I understand that this is your normal protocol, but I need you to make an exception for me this time. Thank you.” This invites conversation and cooperation, and is less likely to put a nurse (who is technically your advocate) on the defensive.

DON’T: Be rigid.
Refusing to budge on the smallest things is unfair, especially when you are asking for things outside the box. Remember, you are a rare breed to these nurses. Asking them to step outside their norm is a big deal. Respect that.

DO: Be flexible.
Compromise is the name of the game. For example, here in Colorado Springs, a Hep lock buys you pretty much anything you want in most of the hospitals. It helps them to see that you are reasonable, and that you understand why they do what they do. It makes them far more open to your requests and out-of-the-box needs.

DON’T: Wait until you are in labor to make your birth plan known.
It is completely unreasonable to spring a birth plan on unsuspecting staff and providers. You can’t count on appointment conversations to be remembered, simply because of the sheer volume of patients a hospital-based provider might see in any given month. Not to mention the fact that you are likely to have a care provider you’ve never met catching your baby!

DO: Discuss everything on your birth plan prentally.
Write your birth plan early, in second trimester, and tackle one issue at a time in those 7-10 minute appointments. Discuss the benefits, risks, and alternatives ahead of time, and really make sure you and your provider are on the same page. If they are willing, have them sign it–this doesn’t make it a legal document, but it proves to the staff and on-call doc that your care provider is on board with all your requests.

In short, it pays to be kind. Always be kind. You never know what kind of day your nurse or care provider has had. You have no idea what is going on in the room next to you. I am not making excuses for bad or disrespectful or hurried care. I want to remind you that everyone in scrubs is a human being, just like you. There is rarely a reason to walk into a labor and delivery ward with guns blazing. Even if you had no other choice in your care. The ones providing it are just as human as you are, and if you can leave them feeling respected and understood, you are helping to pave the way for the next woman who wants out-of-the-box care.

It may be your birth, but it has ripple effects. Whether it’s for the positive or negative is, at least in part, up to you.

How do you handle differences of opinion in your care? What are the most diplomatic ways you have used to self-advocate without a situation erupting into WWIII?

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

Awe & Gratitude

Monday, February 9th, 2015

I have been putting together a scrapbook of pictures, cards, letters, and memorabilia from the doula clients who have so graciously shared such items with me. As the 8×8 book comes together, I find myself full of memories of each story. I have not forgotten a single birth. Not one. Each one is a treasure I carry with me wherever I go.

There is a weight to each memory. A weight characterized by humble, gritty, glorious women at their peak vulnerability and strength. Never is a woman so beautiful as when she is bringing new life into our small world. A brand new human being, who has never existed before, has been formed painstakingly, and brought with blood, sweat, and tears into the arms of his loving parents.

It is exquisite.

And I get to be a part of it.

My gratitude for this work will never wane. Sometimes, it is hard for me to believe that this is a path God has called me to so clearly. Unequivocally, with women is where I belong.

With women.

The root meaning of the word “midwife.”

Thank you for being part of my journey. Whether you are a client, a mentor, a colleague, or a member of my amazing family, I could not do this without you.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

I Am A Doula

Monday, January 5th, 2015

CalebDoula.

I am a doula.

Those words, filled with so much meaning over the years, were my starting point in this birth journey I’m on. Doula is a weighty word. It’s a very different role than almost any other in birth. It encompasses so much that used to be taken for granted: that a sister, a mother, a grandmother, an auntie would be there for our births.

With our scattered society, and its driving desire to prove individual independence, that doesn’t happen as much any more. I think the rise in doulas in this country is just one sign of a shift in society’s thinking about that independence. The resurgence of old-fashioned life skills such as knitting, crocheting, quilting, canning, gardening, keeping small farm animals, bartering/trading for goods and services, and more all indicate that our society might be beginning to see the value in interdependence.

A very different concept than independence. Independence declares, “I can do it myself!” Usually in ALL CAPS. Interdependence says, “I can probably do it myself, but I would really like to have you by my side, because many hands make light work.” It’s a humble honesty that admits that we need each other, while acknowledging individual responsibility.

I like this shift in thinking. It means that each of us are needed by one another. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling to be needed?

We see it in the blog posts encouraging us to ask for help when we need it. We see it in the abundance of people who come out of the woodwork in order to sign up for meal trains. We see it in baby showers, scrapbooking parties, childbirth classes, book clubs, community gardens, homeschool groups, and knitting circles. We long for community, especially as women.

Birth is not an independent act. While it is “your” birth in one sense (individual responsibility), it is very much “our” birth in another (we need safe community in order to do it well). There are very few women who don’t need other women around them to birth, and each birth has a ripple effect on the community around it.

Enter the doula.

She brings interdependence back to birth. She encourages the mother’s individual responsibility in decision-making, while helping to meet the mother’s need for community. A doula bridges the gap between our precious, American independence, and our desire to have another woman to lean on. It is finally acceptable to need the help.

This is no bad thing, and is slowly, birth by birth, making a big impact on the way women, babies, and birth are viewed in this country.

“What’s a doula?” is a question asked less and less frequently, though we do need to keep putting the good word out there!

I am a doula.

The words still carry great weight. I have not yet burned out on standing beside women in my community while they usher new life into the world through their bodies, with the strength of Creation behind them. It is an honor, a privilege, and a blessing for me.

I am a doula.

I don’t yet know when the day will come that I utter these words for the last time, as I move forward into midwifery work. I wonder how that will feel, when it finally happens, as it surely will in the next few years.

Until then, I am a doula.

And I am grateful to be one.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

A Weighty Responsibility

Monday, August 4th, 2014

Image credit: longdrivejourney.com


Finishing up a class is always bittersweet, triggering a time of self-evaluation, reflection, and a desire to do better next time.

Childbirth education is not a job where I can just show up, punch a card, and go home. It is filled with challenges as unique as each student who walks through the door. Each student requires some customization of the curriculum, and will invariably ask a question I don’t know the answer to. There will be rabbit trails every so often, and bringing class back on track in order to cover the essentials adequately is critical. It is also just as critical to know when it is time to abandon a few of my slides in order to acknowledge and travel down a rabbit trail with purpose.

It requires constant research, reading, and learning on my part. I cannot recycle the same information over and over, and expect to meet the needs of an ever-changing population. Every class series I teach, while built upon the same foundation, will be a little bit different.

As I work toward finishing my re-certification process as a CAPPA Certified Childbirth Educator, I am overwhelmed at the amount of new information permeating the atmosphere surrounding the perinatal year! I am required to choose and read ten complete studies relating to my field that were published in the last five years. I thought it would be a challenge to find new research. I was wrong. The information is out there. It is accessible, if you know where to look, and I am astonished and excited at how much I still have to learn!

I am so glad I chose to certify with an organization that has such rigorous standards for its members. If it weren’t for the constant challenge of re-certification, I think it would be too easy to fall into a rut and stay there, becoming more and more irrelevant in the community. More and more useless in effectively navigating the changing state of childbirth in this country.

When I am up front teaching, I am viewed as an expert, and even an authority on childbirth. Shame on me if I fail to strive to live up to such labels by maintaining a steadfast continuing education. While I know I can never impart everything I know to every student who walks into my classroom, it does not excuse a lack of evidence-based, current knowledge driving and directing my passion. All the passion in the world means nothing if it isn’t paired with a working knowledge of current evidence, applied realistically, and presented in a way that is easy for students to integrate into their own real-world experience.

A discerning childbirth educator changes with the times. Changes with each new group of students who choose their class. Incorporates new information into curriculum as quickly and accurately as possible, enabling students to apply the new knowledge to their own circumstances and worldviews. A wise childbirth educator strives to get a little better each day, understanding that people are making decisions based (at least in part) on what they have said in class.

It is a weighty responsibility.

And I love it.

How do you continue to learn, grown, and change in your own work? What drives you to keep reaching for the next step?

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

Being A Doula

Friday, July 18th, 2014
Image credit: tumblr

Image credit: tumblr

Being a doula, for me, is not about changing hospital policy, or steering women away from “bad” providers. It is not about disseminating information to every client. It’s not about birth plans. It’s not about informed consent. It’s not about vaginal birth, home birth, or cesarean birth. It’s not about statistics. It’s not about rebozos, crock pots, or rice socks. It’s not even about making a difference or changing the world.

Being a doula is about laying aside my notion of what a particular birth ought to be, and instead surrendering to what it actually is. It is opening my eyes to the reality of each woman’s circumstances, and meeting her right where she happens to be.

It is seeing beyond myself, and stepping into someone else’s experience. It is opening my hands in service, in whatever way the mother sees fit. It is about humbling myself, and understanding that each birth can and will teach me something I did not know before.

It is about respecting the care provider(s) my client has chosen, simply because she has chosen them. It is about learning how to show respect and compassion to everyone in the room, even when I don’t feel like it, because it is the right thing to do. Many times, it’s about being an example.

It is about protecting space around a birthing woman and her partner, so all they see is each other. It’s about becoming invisible, so that the birthing woman can focus on what is most important.

It is about being with this woman, right here, in this moment in time. It is often about helping her surrender fully to this great work she is doing. It is looking her in the eye and lending her my strength when she runs out. It is opening a door when she hits her wall. It is about believing her when she expresses pain, and validating her struggle.

It is believing in her, even if no one else does.

It is about bringing a little bit of sunshine into this storm that feels so big, and reminding her that it will not last forever. Being a doula is a lot like trying to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

It is about love.

And I love being a doula.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

 

Book Review Friday: “Giving Birth” by Catherine Taylor

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

Giving BirthGiving Birth by Catherine Taylor
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is one of those books which I wish I would have taken notes throughout, to better enable me to review it accurately. Her tone, her writing style, and the content were all excellent.

Her writing style is accessible, honest, frank, and open–the way a good journalist’s should be. Her descriptions of the various women she meets, the places she goes, and the births she attends as an observer or doula are vivid without being wordy.

I found myself moved to nearly to tears several times (I’m not much of a crier, so “almost to tears” is saying a lot) throughout the book.

It’s picture of midwifery as a profession, from Certified Nurse-Midwives to direct-entry midwives is respectful and unbiased. She shares the reality of the political landscape all midwives must work in, the challenges they face, and the little triumphs on behalf of women and their babies.

Even if you are not into birth, I would recommend this book to every woman – whether you plan to have children, have children already, or plan to never have children. It can speak powerfully to any of us.

View all my reviews

At Preparing for Birth: A new blog post for dads!

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Beso-EmbarazadaI wrote my first post for the blog at Preparing for Birth, and it’s up today! Go check it out, and come back for more when you can!

“Many men in our culture are fairly apprehensive about birth. Most have never seen a real birth, or talked about it outside of sex ed. They are often nervous about birth itself, seeing their partner in pain, the what-ifs, and all that may come after. They doubt their ability to support their partner in her journey, and wonder if they’ll be strong enough.”

CLICK HERE to read more at the Preparing for Birth blog.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

Dad Matters – A doula’s perspective

Sunday, September 29th, 2013

Many men in our culture are fairly apprehensive about birth. Most have never seen a real birth, or talked about it outside of sex ed. They are often nervous about birth itself, seeing their partner in pain, the what-ifs, and all that may come after. They doubt their ability to support their partner in her journey, and wonder if they’ll be strong enough.

In fact, they often doubt and fear and wonder just as much as their partners do, but are often not allowed to express it, because they’re not the ones giving birth, so they feel that they don’t really matter. They may feel like they don’t have much voice in the process, and are just expected to go along for the ride, smiling and nodding whenever the experts speak.

Yet, at the same time, they are expected to know everything about birth, protect their partner, communicate her wishes, and support her physically and emotionally without pausing for breath.

Many worry that they just can’t live up to all of that. It really is an awful lot to ask of one human being, after all. Especially since history shows us that there have always been many support people surrounding a mother during birth.

Still, many men don’t realize just how much they are capable of. They don’t realize that they matter, too, and that they can enter their partner’s birthing space with confidence, ability, and strength to meet the challenges of supporting a labor and birth.

 

So, how do we help fathers to step into the birthing space with confidence?

 

We free them to be who they are, that’s how. We let go of our expectations, and help them to form their own expectations and desires for supporting the birth of their child. We help them to see that they alone can define their role in the drama and sacredness of birth.

I would suggest two important things that may help a father gain confidence and acquire tools to help him fulfill the role he wants to play during birth: 1) Independent childbirth education classes, and 2) Hiring a doula.

The more a man knows, the less he will fear birth, and taking Childbirth Classes is one of the best ways to lower anyone’s fear level in anticipation of birth. Many men appreciate information given in practical, interactive ways, and independent childbirth classes are often right up his alley. He can join with like-minded dads, ask questions, and have his concerns addressed more readily.

Information is a great, big factor in helping couples manage their stresses and fears regarding birth—as much for the father as it is for the mother. As an educator, at the beginning of a series, I usually see high levels of apprehension, which quickly fade from week to week, to be replaced by realistic expectations and informed confidence in both parents.

This is just as powerful for the father as it is for the mother. When Dad has confidence in Mom’s ability, she believes in herself all the more, and Dad begins to see that he has power to influence her for the better! Dad is able to acclimate himself more readily to the realities of birth, and begins to realize that he is an important part of her support team. Perhaps the most important part.

He feels a little more ready to step into his support role, and probably has clarified what he wants that role to look like. He will feel more confident about what he can do, and more realistic about what he might not be able to do.

 

In which case, he may begin to consider…

 

Hiring a Doula to help him fill in the gap in the support team he might not be able to fill himself. If he participates in choosing and hiring a doula, he is much more likely to have his own expectations met, as well as those of his partner. When Mom and Dad are both fully supported, Dad is far freer to just be and do what his partner needs him to be and do.

While he will likely remember a lot of what he has read and learned about, that information may become secondary to him during the birth, and take a backseat to more immediate concerns in his mind.

He may become simply focused on loving this woman who is birthing his child. And why shouldn’t he? Why should he have to remember every counter pressure technique? Every massage technique, position change, or even the water jug and bendy straw? Why shouldn’t he be the face close to hers, his eyes beaming his love, concern for, and confidence in her?

A doula allows Dad to be front and center in the support role he always wanted to fill for Mom, in whatever way makes the most sense for their individual relationship in this particular moment. If he wants to be the Expert – he ought to be equipped to do that. If he doesn’t, then he needs the space and freedom for that, too. Or anything in between.

When he is free, all his anxieties and apprehensions tend to fall away, and he finds that birth is a challenging, beautiful, amazing space to be in with his partner. He finds that he is strong to meet the challenge, just like she is. Together, they grow in strength and confidence, becoming truly ready to meet this tiny new person they have made.

Doulas help open wide the door, making the birthing space more navigable, understandable, and pleasant for fathers. This, in turn, can only benefit the mother as she is able to rest in the support of her birth team. She no longer feels concern for her partner, because he shows no reason for her to be concerned. She is able to just birth.

Then, we can just step back and watch, as he exceeds all the expectations we have laid on him, and as he steps into Fatherhood in the way that makes the most sense to him and his new family.

Tiffany Miller, CLD, CCCE

What You Need to Know About Birth Plans

Friday, September 27th, 2013

As a doula, I require all of my clients to put together a birth plan, discuss it with their care provider, and to provide me a hard copy. I make very few exceptions to this requirement. I believe firmly that a birth plan is a critical piece of the puzzle in good perinatal care.

As much as we want to believe that our prenatal care is individualized, it often is not. Even home birth midwives can get into a “this is how I always do it” habit, though that is far less likely. Still – I have learned to never take anything for granted when it comes to care providers.

I spend a good amount of time with each client in helping them form their own unique birth plan, and provide them with role-playing opportunities that teach them how to have open, honest, and clinical discussions with their provider about their individual needs. If I am hired late into the third trimester, that is almost all I end up doing prenatally – birth plan work.

It’s that important.

That said, I don’t particularly care for the term “Birth Plan,” and I use it only because that’s the common vernacular. I think the word “Plan” conjures up images of precise blueprints and/or legally binding documents. A birth plan is neither of those things, and the sooner we understand that, the better.

Instead, I believe that birth plans are tools designed to help you, your care provider, and any staff you encounter to communicate effectively about your individual needs and expectations regarding your care.

It provides a basic framework that helps your care provider and staff to better care for you, but it does not legally bind them to your every whim and wish.

Instead, a birth plan gives you and your care provider an opportunity to pursue individualized care together, and to be on the same page before you go into labor. It has the potential to build rapport, trust, and respect between you and your provider–a critical factor in enjoying a positive, healthy birth experience, no matter what the circumstances end up being.

For this reason, I really prefer the term “Birth Preferences,” “Birth Goals,” or even “Birth Desires.” Those make a lot more sense to me. When a birth plan is viewed this way, it is often much easier to mentally and emotionally process anything that derails those plans.

Birth is still unpredictable, and there are no guarantees, no matter how safe we have made it. The reality is that birth is like any major event we plan: There will always be at least one thing that does not go the way we expect it to, for good or ill.

Mommas get sick. Babies get sick. Babies get into funky positions. Mommas get exhausted. Heart rates get wonky. Side effects of drugs happen. Things stretch on longer than we thought, or go far faster than we anticipated.

Stuff happens.

Overall, birth is a safe and healthy process, but it has a lot of variables within a very wide range of Normal. Accepting that fact, and writing a birth plan with flexibility in mind is key to processing those funky things that happen during our births.

I find that the most flexibly written birth plans get the most respect from staff. They see clearly that my client has done her research, and has realistic expectations. Frankly, I find that my clients are more likely to get exactly what they want when their language is open and flexible.

I also find that when things get weird in a birth, staff and providers tend to bend over backwards to keep the spirit of the plan intact. They seem to view themselves as being on my client’s side, and try very hard to make it work within the parameters this particular labor has laid out for them.

My clients come out of these births processing all of it in a very healthy way. They understand that they don’t have to like what happened, but if they felt respected, understood, and as though their choices mattered, they are often okay in the long run. They understand that it’s okay not to be okay for awhile. They grieve the stuff they didn’t like, but are grateful for the support and good care they received within the circumstances their birth chose for them.

Care they might not have received had they not communicated clearly what they hoped for, ahead of time, via their birth plan.

So, when writing your birth plan, be careful about the language you use. Really examine how it comes across, and how you view your relationship with your care provider. Some basic tips:

  • Open with a sentence like: “We understand that circumstances may arise that preclude the following desires, but we expect to be fully informed before consenting to any procedure that may be proposed, and we appreciate your help in achieving a healthy and pleasant birth.” This lets them know you understand that birth has a lot of variables, and that you are willing to work with the staff.
  • Have a short introductory sentence or two explaining your overall desires. (Natural birth? Well-timed epidural?) The staff will automatically know what requests will go along with that, and you can eliminate a lot of specifics. For example: If you know you want an unmedicated birth, and state that fact right away, you won’t have to tell them you’ll want to move around, have dim lighting, etc…
  • Keep it simple. It shouldn’t be more than one page long.
  • Use bullet points and clinical language.
  • Tailor it to your provider’s practices, as well as the protocols at your place of birth. If you know they do rooming-in, you don’t need to request it.
  • Do your research. Take an independent childbirth class. Hire a doula.
  • Take your first draft to your provider and ask specific questions. “Under what circumstances might you do an episiotomy?” This helps you know if something needs to be added or taken off the plan.
  • Have a cesarean plan. Look up “Family-Centered Cesarean,” and choose your top 3-5 items you think might be important, and add those.

Be decisive and clear in your desires, but remember to stay open as well. Choose carefully your hills to die on, and let everything else go if it becomes necessary. Ask questions. Even if all you can think is to keep asking “Why?” That one word can gain you a lot more information when a decision becomes critical. Open your eyes, and walk forward confident in your desires, your ability to birth, and your ability to make good decisions for you and your baby.

You are already a good mother. Go for it.

I could write mountains of information on this subject, but this post would get too long. Did you write a birth plan? Why or why not? Do you feel your desires were respected? Do you feel it created a sense of cooperation with the staff who cared for you? Why or why not?

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany